10 Ways to Communicate Without Giving Your Money to Woke Companies

Presented by: Patriot Mobile

It seems like every telecommunications company in the world has woken up! Not good!

How can you call your spouse or leave a voicemail for your grandmother without supporting an enlightened society? Here are 10 foolproof methods:

  1. Homing pigeon: We’re pretty sure the pigeons haven’t woken up…yet.
  2. Use two bobbins and a string: Then maybe you can build a vast network of cans and strings! Just don’t tangle them.
  3. Launch your AR15 in the air in morse code: This is how the people of Kentucky have communicated for centuries.
  4. Yell : Also the preferred method in Kentucky, for people too poor to own AR15s.
  5. Rearrange the wooden letters in Hobby Lobby to form a message: Then pray fervently that your target will come in and read it before the workers rearrange the display.
  6. American Sign Language: Only visible from afar if you have big, nice Trump-sized hands.
  7. Ask a Navajo Indian to code your message and deliver it for you: Just make sure he’s not a CRT fan.
  8. Beg Elon Musk to buy your wireless service provider: He will wake up this society very quickly! Until he changes his mind and retires.
  9. Play the phone game: Just like the journalists of Washington Post!
  10. Talk to all your friends exclusively on Truth Social: As long as you don’t mind the FBI watching everything you say.

Good, you have it now! If none of these methods work, you can always start your own telecommunications company. Easy!

NOT SATIRE: Patriot Mobile, America’s ONLY conservative Christian wireless service provider, is the ONLY woke mobile alternative.

We provide our members with reliable nationwide wireless service, enabling us to fight for our God-given rights and our conservative Christian values. In 2022, we are giving more than $2 million to organizations fighting for our First Amendment rights, our Second Amendment rights, the sanctity of life, and our veterans and first responders.

Switch today to receive free activation (code: BABYLONBEE), reliable nationwide coverage, support from our 100% US-based team, and peace of mind that your money will go to a company that LOVES God. and this country. We work actively every day to support conservative Christian causes.

Learn more at www.patriotmobile.com/babylonbee or call us at 972-PATRIOT.

Michael Simmons’ doctor tells him he’s obese and needs to lose weight – but the patient has the perfect comeback: he’s pregnant!

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